


Filosofizing 2: Reprise

by ghoulette13



Series: Boys' Night Universe [5]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, God talk, Humor, M/M, Self-Love, it's very lite on CharMac, no smut in fic, they only kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 20:22:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19325431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghoulette13/pseuds/ghoulette13
Summary: Mac tries to explain to Charlie how his relationship with God is turning into something new. (A continuation of 'Filosofizing' where Mac and Charlie get high and talk.)  ((This is part of a series, but works as a stand alone piece))------Mac: Hey! Don’t groan at me, dude. I'm makin' something new, alright? And you gotta listen, okay? ‘Cause I think I figured it out this time. Look. Look. Look. ... I cut out all the middle men. The church, you know? That's the middle men! That's all I gotta do! Just cut out the church! Cut out the middle men!Charlie: Ah! Of course , dude! The middle men! All those goddamn middle men ruining America!Mac: They’re destroying it, dude! They’re smashing it to bits. I mean, the goddamn middle men are raking in the dough, sucking people dry, tellin’ everybody what to do! But I’m not gonna let them tell me shit anymore!Charlie: Don’t let ‘em, dude! Don’t let those middle men tell you shit!





	Filosofizing 2: Reprise

**Author's Note:**

> AN AU WHERE…. Charlie never bangs the waitress and he heals his childhood trauma.
> 
> This takes place after Dennis moves to North Dakota.

**Mac & Charlie are High**

**.......**

**Charlie:** I still don’t feel like dealing with my own body sometimes, though.

 **Mac:** Hey man, you’re already doing it and you don’t even realize it. You haven’t huffed glue in so long and like, you even showered and brushed your teeth this morning!

 **Charlie:** Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s just like… easier with you around. Like everything is just so easy.

 **Mac:** Aww, thanks, man.

 **Charlie:** Like I just told you the scariest shit in my life and like… now you know it and you’re not like judging me or making me feel sad or bad or whatever.

 **Mac:** Dude, you’ve been sad for like… ever, man. Don’t feel bad about it anymore.

 **Charlie:** I kinda don’t man. It’s just like… in the past. Like I’m not that person anymore, I’m someone new. I get to be in charge of my life and my own shit.

 **Mac:** Dude, you kick ass.

 **Charlie:** Hell yeah I do!

**They high-five.**

**Mac:** _Dude!_ You felt that right? Like when our hands hit?

 **Charlie:** It was magical, dude! Boom. Boom. Boom. We’re vibing, dude. We're _totally_ vibing out right now.

 **Mac:** Yeah, dude! And that _vibe?_ That’s _god!_

 **Charlie:**  Eeeee _uuugggggggggggooooddamnit, Mac!_ I thought we were _done_ with this god shit, man.

 **Mac:** Hey! Don’t groan at me, dude. I'm makin' something new, alright? And you gotta listen, okay? ‘Cause I think I figured it out this time. Look. Look. Look. ... _I cut out all the middle men._ The church, you know? That's the middle men! That's all I gotta do! Just cut out the church! Cut out the middle men!

 **Charlie:** Ah! _Of course_ , dude! The _middle_ men! All those goddamn _middle_ men ruining _America!_

 **Mac:** They’re destroying it, dude! They’re smashing it to bits. I mean, the goddamn middle men are raking in the dough, sucking people dry, tellin’ _everybody_ what to do! But I’m not gonna let them tell me _shit_ anymore!

 **Charlie:** Don’t let ‘em, dude! Don’t _let_ those middle men tell you _shit!_

 **Mac:** I’m not gonna! ‘Cause I know god! God knows me! Me and god are on good terms! Those middle men can suck my dick!

 **Charlie:** Hell yeah dude!

**They high-five again.**

**Charlie:** _Dude!_ That vibe again! Just now?

 **Mac:** _Yes!_ _Exactly!_

 **Charlie:** But like, how is that _god?_ That doesn’t make _any_ sense to me, dude.

 **Mac:** OKAY, so like, when me and you are like… _good_ … we’re _really_ good. Like we’re back and forth and all high energy and shit. And like… that connection between us is _god._ Like… _god_ was high-fiving us, too.

 **Charlie:** Dude. Stop, alright? God’s like... an old dude in rags and long ratty hair and there is _no_ , like, santa-lookin’ old dude in the room with us right now. It’s just me and you.

 **Mac:** No, dude. Okay, so like, that’s _not_ god.

 **Charlie:** _What?_ That’s _totally_ god. That’s what all those comics and cartoons of god _look_ like!

 **Mac:** Oh I know! But like… that’s _not god._ God’s not a dude in the sky. God’s like… love and energy and feelings and like… god is that muscle in your body that you flex and shit when you’re with people you care about.

 **Charlie:** Dude, _what_ are you talking about?

 **Mac:** You’ve _totally_ felt it before, dude, I know you have! Like … remember when we made out the other day?

 **Charlie:** Are you saying that _god_ made out with us, _too?!_

 **Mac:** _Charlie!_ Stop picturing that old dude in your head! Just picture the muscle, asshole!

 **Charlie:** _What_ muscle, dude?! I gotta lotta muscles going on and I can’t exactly make ‘em do shit on command or anything! I’m not a fucking _robot_ who can just feel their own muscles and move their own parts or whatever!

 **Mac:** Aggghhh! Stop it, Charlie! You gotta breathe, dude! Feel your stomach. Feel your stomach. No, not like that! No, dude. No! Stand up!

 **Charlie:** Alright, alright! I’m standing up. Now what am I supposed to do? You got me standin--

 **Mac:** Take a deeeeep breath in, man. You gotta be at _one_ with your body, dude. Gotta be at _one_ with your soul.

 **Charlie:** Okay, dude. Okay. I’m breathin, man. I’m at one with my body. Me and my body are one-ing it up. I’m movin’ my lungs all around and shit. I'm feelin it, dude. I'm feelin the vibe.

 **Mac:** Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold still. Hold still. Okay. Open your eyes. Now I’m gonna kiss you, okay?

 **Charlie:** Uhhh yeah, okay.

 **Mac:** Okay. But you _gotta kiss back._

 **Charlie:** Yeah, dude. I can do that. I can kiss back.

**They kiss.**

**Mac:** Did you feel that? Like all hot in your stomach and shit?

 **Charlie:** Heh, yeah, I think so.

 **Mac:** Okay. Now, try to make yourself feel it again.

 **Charlie:** Okay, but I mean, like, ...maybe we should kiss again so I know for sure. You know what I mean?

 **Mac:** Heh, yeah, okay.

**They kiss again.**

**Mac:** Okay, did you feel it that time?

 **Charlie:** Yeah, man. I did. It’s like… _whoa._ Like my stomach is all melty but then I’m all speeded up, too. Like everything is super slow _and_ super fast.

 **Mac:** It’s that _connection,_ dude! That _connection_ right there. That’s _it!_   When someone like… reaches in and then _you reach back out._ That’s _god,_ dude. That feeling is _god._

 **Charlie:** But how is _god_ just like… a _connection?_ That doesn’t make _any_ sense, man.

 **Mac:** Dude, okay. Lemme like… zoom out, okay? …Okay. Okay. It’s like… looking at the whole world and really, like, _seeing_ it, you know? Seeing it with your whole body and shit. It’s like... _seeing_ all the tiny little details and then, like, the big huge picture on top and then all the other medium-sized things in between and shit. But they’re not like… separate or anything. They’re all _connected._ That’s _connection._ They’re all just working together, you know? ‘Cause like, we can’t be a man on a island. Like, we gotta go out there and be with other people--

 **Charlie:** Dude, most of the time I don’t even wanna be _around_ other people.

 **Mac:** I know, I know! But like, god is still _there_ . That _connection_ is still _there._

 **Charlie:** _How?_

 **Mac:** ‘Cause you can still _feel_ that connection-muscle even if other people aren’t around, you know? It's like… connecting to the connection. Like say you’re alone in your apartment and like, you picture my face and then you remember us kissing and then you remember that _feeling_ in your stomach and you remember that you have like, _connections_ to other people in the world and you’re like… not _really_ alone.

 **Charlie:** But I _gotta_ be alone sometimes, dude! That’s just how my brain _works!_

 **Mac:** I know. Dude, I know. We all do. We all gotta have time to deal with our own shit in our heads, but like you gotta come out, too, and see the rest of the world at some point. You know, be with that _god-connection energy_ and shit--and _don’t_ picture the old dude! You gotta picture that muscle in your stomach, man. You gotta _flex_ it because that’s what it is. It’s not an old dude, okay? It’s a _feeling!_

 **Charlie:** B-b-but what the _hell,_ dude? How did we build all these stupid buildings and shit over a _stupid goddamn_ **_feeling?!_ **

**Mac:** Gah! Dude, it’s like… I mean, it’s more than a _feeling_ , dude. It’s like a part of your _head_ and your _body_ and like, your _soul_ . Oh, you know what? It’s like an _orgasm!_

 **Charlie:** _Gross, dude!_

 **Mac:** Goddamnit, Charlie! Stop picturing god as an old dude!  You’ve had plenty of orgasms in your life! You know they’re not gross!

 **Charlie:** Uhhh… Heh. Well. Okay, yeah. But like, how is _god_ an _orgasm?_

 **Mac:** Okay, so like, you know when you jerk off and get that big release where you’re all floaty and you can feel, like, all the blood pumping through your body and all your veins are like pulsating and shit? And like, for a few seconds you’re so connected with yourself and your body and, like, your _mind?_  

 **Charlie:** Yeah, it’s fucking _great,_ man.

 **Mac:** Right? That’s the _god-connection energy,_ dude. It’s like _love_ , dude.

 **Charlie:** Wait… is that why they call jerking off “self-love?”

 **Mac:**...Oh shit. I think so.

 **Charlie:** I never really got that. Like I got it, but I didn't _get_ it, you know?

 **Mac:** Yeah, yeah, yeah.

 **Charlie:** I guess I get it _now._

 **Mac:** Yeah… me, too…

 **Charlie:** So like, that’s _god?_

 **Mac:** Uh yeah, man.

 **Charlie:** So _not_ the old dude?

 **Mac:** No, Charlie. Not the old dude.

 **Charlie:** And not like… our dads and shit?

 **Mac:** No way, dude. Not like our dads. Our dads are _so_ not god or whatever.

 **Charlie:** But it was in that movie, you know? With the hot guy everybody wants to bang.

 **Mac:** Which one, dude?

 **Charlie:** You know, where they make soap outta women-soup and blow up buildings and go to group therapy… with the _hot guy_ , dude! You _know_ this movie! Aggggghhhhh _uuuhhhhh_ with the whole _beat ‘em up_ thing!

 **Mac:** Wait, are you talking about Fight Club?

 **Charlie:** Yeah, dude! Fight Club! Remember! They’re like ‘Our dads and god are the same, so if you got a Shit Dad, then you got a Shit God.’

 **Mac: ...** Okay, dude. I _think_ I get what you're going for, but dads are just _not_ god. Like, ‘cause god’s not a dude or a human or like a thing at all. It’s _bigger_ than that. Like, look at Dennis, dude. That asshole’s not _god._

 **Charlie:** Hahaha, yeah, man. Alright, alright.

 **Mac:** God’s just like… this big flow of love and energy that connects us with ourselves and other people and like, the universe and shit.

 **Charlie:** Is that why you’re always goin’ on dates and shit? To like… get closer to god or feel god or whatever?

 **Mac:** Well, I mean, that’s just like… one part of it and I only feel it sometimes, you know? Like, sometimes my head is somewhere else but I just wanna get off so I bang the guy and then sometimes I kinda just feel like shit afterwards because like what’s the point in banging someone I don’t even know anything about or whatever but then sometimes it’s just _fun_ and like there’s a whole world full of people out there and we’re all just doing our thing and then we find a way to really _connect,_ you know?

 **Charlie:** I mean, I guess that makes sense. But like, I really only wanna connect with the _right_ people. Like, I gotta be picky about it.

 **Mac:** For sure, dude! Be as picky as you want! Pick your picky pick, pal!

 **Charlie:** I _am_ gonna pick my picky pick. I'm gonna be _persnickety_  with my personal pick! Gonna pick out some... p-p-pickled peppers and... pipe some peters, dude!

 **Mac:** Pipe all the picky peters you want, man! I got your back!

 **Charlie:** Well, I mean, I don’t know about _peters,_ per se. Like maybe _one_ peter or something. Peters makes it sounds like there’s a whole jar of ‘em or something and like... that’s too much to dig through, you know? I don’t wanna be stickin’ my hand in all those jars feelin’ up all those peters tryin’ to pick the right one.

 **Mac:** Don’t worry, dude. I can help you out. I know, like, _a million_ peters in Philly.

 **Charlie:** Ha! Oh yeah, man? You gonna help me pick out a peter?

 **Mac:** Not just pick out _any_ peter, Charlie. I’m gonna help you pick out the _right_ peter.

 **Charlie:** Hahaha! Thanks, dude. That’s awesome.

 **Mac:** Yeah, man. I got your back.

**They sit silently for a moment.**

**Mac:** So do you believe in god, now?

 **Charlie:** Dude, you ask me that every time we do this shit.

 **Mac:** I’m just doing god’s work, dude.

 **Charlie:** Oh yeah? God’s work? Maybe stop listening to the god-boner in your stomach, dude.

 **Mac:** It’s an _amazing_ god-boner, asshole, and you _know_ it.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments keep me going! Even if it's just one word!
> 
> \---hit me up if I'm missing any pertinent tags, please. :)


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